The Religious Atheist

Religious atheist- One who worships at a holy place, but does not believe in a divine power.

Let me clarify something for you before I start.  I think religion is awesome.  I love that people can go to a holy place and feel all that divine... ness.  That's great.  I'm just not one of those people.  

I have been going to church all of my life.  I was baptized at a little church in some town that I never even lived in, and my parents are Catholic.  Little me sat in the front row, said all of the right words,  and smiled at the wrinkled ladies that kissed me after it was all over.  She studied at a Catholic school, read the bible, and paid attention in Religion Class.  As a grew older though, those lessons that I learned in English started to apply when I sat and listened to the preist talk.  I began to really think about what he was saying and what I thought about it.  The more I listened, the more I heard that I didn't agree with.  

I think the tipping point for me was the whole "women can't be priests" thing.  Growing up with a strongly feminist mother had imprinted in me the ideal that I wasn't any less than any guy.  I didn't want to be a priest, but something about the fact that I couldn't be one even if I wanted to just rubbed me the wrong way.   

About halfway through my sixth grade summer I stopped saying the prayers in mass.  I guess some part of the kindergarten ultimatum of "don't lie" stuck with me.  No one noticed that my voice was absent, and that was fine with me.  About five months into seventh grade I started calling myself an atheist in my head, and then out loud when we moved to a different school in eighth grade.   I felt like the Catholic label didn't apply to me anymore. 

Now I am going through the process of getting confirmed in the Catholic church.  I go to church on Sunday, say the right words, and shake the wrinkly hands of the ladies who introduce themselves after mass.  I study at a public high school, read To Kill a Mockingbird, and pay attention in science class.  As a grow older, I may find my place in the religious world.  Right now, though, I remain the loyal Religious Atheist.