Anxiety Group

Very into slam poetry right now. You should watch this, and all the weird suggestions on the side, and then the suggestions on the side of that one, until you're watching cat videos.  :P Procrastination! I promise I will write an actual post at some point.  *Sheepish grin* probably a no on that one.
~Anna

So... School.

You all already know what I'm going to talk about, don't you? Yeah.  I bet you do.  It's the end of the year, we're getting close to the end of the semester, and if you know me in real life you probably have noticed I'm close to pulling my hair out and stand shaking in a corner.  Don't worry, I won't.  I'm just exaggerating :) So now you get a list of things that I'm stressing about, much like this post so, enjoy ;)

1. Finals
The impending doom of finals is looming over my head like an anxiety filled cloud ready to rain nice little raindrops of overwhelming panic on my ill-prepared self.  To summarize that very wordy sentence, finals are coming up soon and I haven't started studying yet.  I should.  I know.  But, like every year and every quarter, I will wait until the last moment to study and then cram the week/night before. To add to this, the lovely PTSO has decided to require that we all have a final.  In. Every. Class.  -_- thanks guys.  I NEED a final in art soooo badly.

2. "SAGE" Tests
Apparently we don't take CRTs anymore, which is kinda a mixed bag.  SAGE tests are harder, and adjust the hardness of the questions based on how many you get right.  Sadly this means that I can no longer finish the English Core test in 10 minutes.  On the other hand however, SAGE tests are graded by hand which means that they get graded too late for teachers to put them in Powerschool.  Yay for no death because I failed the SAGE Tests!

3.  Online Classes
I'm taking PE and Health First Quarter Online.  I wouldn't have registered this early if I would've known that it would start right away.  This means I'm currently taking these 10 classes.  Homework, tests and all.  More anxiety with this, I know for a fact that I will be taking these classes during Finals Week.  Eep.

4. Social Shiz
I'm not going to put anything in this section, just primarily because of the fact that it's kinda awkward and personal :P

Loves to you all,
Anna

Cool/Creepy picture I found on a desktop pictures website!

Sports. Why?!

Now this has nothing to do with anything, but I'm kinda really really nervous about this.  So... naturally I blog about it (I don't know I'm weird).

Fact 1: My town is very very athletic and health based.  Most of my friends do a high school sport or will do one in the near future.

Fact 2: Apparently for some reason colleges like team sports better than Debate, because, you know, weather or not I can hit a ball is directly related to how well I will do at your school.

Fact 3:  I kinda need to have another way to stay in shape other than Taekwondo because I have no motivation and I hate gyms.

Fact 4: I can sorta kinda run.  Not really.  I have asthma and the farthest I've ever run on flat ground (excluding trail running) is 1 mile.  Not really good a sprinting either.

Fact 5:  I played volleyball for a extended period of time, and I have been told I was kinda good, but I have A LOT of insecurities and even when someone tells me I'm good at something I never believe them.  Ever.

Fact 6:  Volleyball shorts are kinda really really short. Just a comment if you haven't seen anyone ever play volleyball.

Fact 7:  I was completely incapable of doing anything that was vaguely related to coordination until like 7th grade (this includes sitting down and walking)  I'm not even exaggerating.

Fact 8:  Doing anything vaguely physical (I'm talking sports pervert) still fills me with enough anxiety to fuel a nuclear power plant for 10 years or kill a full grown man in 5 minutes.  Don't even get me started on how much over-thinking it takes for me to get through the door of a tryout.

Fact 8 Part 2:  Every tryout I've ever been to has failed epically pretty much because I get so nervous that I can't even function.

Fact 9: Because of facts 1-3 I'm going to try out for either track or volleyball.

Fact 10:  You don't care about any of this.

Thanks guys :)
Anna

So.  It's late.  And I'm tired.  Really tired.  I'm also working on school.  I.  Hate.  School.  Sorry teachers, I'm sleeping in all of your classes tomorrow.
Anna

If you're one of the many people out there who is suffering, I just want to say that I'm sending you all a massive pile of Anna hugs.  Seriously, I'm kinda just raping you with the amount of caring and love I'm sending you.  I don't care who you are, how much money you have, what you've done.  I. Don't. Care.  You deserve to be happy, you deserve to smile, you deserve to dance to your favorite music and feel free.  I don't care if you don't think that anyone cares, that no one will miss you, because I'm telling you that you do matter.  You can make it through this fight.  Promise.  If anyone needs anything don't hesitate to email me or comment and I will be there for you.  Electronically, because 50% of the time I'm convinced that everyone in the world is a creeper, but I'm still here for you.  Always.  I care about you, I'm always going to.  You are beautiful.  You are wonderful.  You are precious no matter who you are.  You are worth something guys, never forget that.

Goodnight all,

Anna

Deck the halls with... screw it.

I'm sorry if I seem like a very pessimistic person during this post.  I've been sick all week and just failed my AP History Final.  Anyways, I hate holidays.  I don't understand the whole concept, really.  We donate an entire season to greed.  Every square inch of space is covered in sparkles and various shades of green and red.  Everyone involved is expected to be magically happy for every freaking second from Thanksgiving to Christmas.  I don't get it, and it frustrates me to no end.  Really.  I hate the holidays. I know that I should be crazy grateful for having a family around the holidays, and I am, I just can't get past everyone's expectations that everyone else be happy constantly for more than a month.

Image Credited to Christmas Games

Now just warning you, this is going to get kinda deep.  I was hanging ornaments tonight, and something occurred to me.  I have  ornaments from second grade onwards.  You know the ones you make in elementary school? Well, anyways, most of them have little chips, and some have completely shattered into large pieces.  The ones that have shattered are re-repaired every year, and every year it gets a little harder as more and more of the ornament breaks.  Me, being me, started thinking about how the ornaments symbolized my growth as a person.   I started thinking about how the small little clay contraption I made in second grade with my name sloppily scrawled across the front represented my unabashed ability to be myself in those years.  As I looked at the poor thing now however, chipped in several places; shattered; and missing one side,  I thought about how as I grew my ability to throw other's opinions away slowly chipped away until it was virtually non-existent.  When I saw my little glittered letter that I made in kindergarten or first grade addressed to my mother, I saw my innocence, and my struggling relationship with my mother.  I did this with every single ornament in the box, which resulted in a very bad mood.

Now you see why I shouldn't be left alone with my brain.  So this is my little corner of brain for you.  Yes, I know, bad image.

Some Not-Too-Happy Stuff...

Since we don't have a blog assignment this week I'm not required to ineffably cheerful so I've decided to give you all a little bit of... my brain. My brain is a slightly scary place, mostly because about 70% of the shit that goes through my head I hope no one else ever feels.  Unfortunately, a lot of people our age do feel like I do.  Approximately 11% out of every 100 people experience severe depression at some point during high school.  Let's give this a little perspective:  if you are in a class of 30, more than three people in that class are severely depressed, at least five people are seriously considering suicide, and at least one person will commit suicide by the end of high school. 157,000 teens per year are committed to a hospital because of severe self-harm injuries.  This doesn't just pertain to "dramatic" teenage girls, 19% of suicide deaths are male.  These are some seriously sad statistics.  Most of these people feel like they don't have a way out, or are trapped.

Image Credited to: Hyperbole And A Half

The rest of the world seems to be shoving their ability to feel, well, anything in their faces.  Any effort by anyone to help them just makes them feel worse.  

Image Credited to: Hyperbole And A Half

I had a purpose to this when I started it... and then as I kept writing the purpose just kinda faded into this blurry mass... so thanks for reading... and just... I hope you remember some of this and... be sympathetic... we are all human... and we all deserve to feel like we are worth something.

Distractions

It took me at least four hours to even get to this page.  After that it took me more than twenty minutes to type three words.  Although having the entire world at my fingertips is a great resource, it often prevents me from getting anything done.  I can't do anything on my computer without listening to Sleeping With Sirens,  Mayday Parade, Linkin Park, or another band.  As I'm typing this, I pause every other sentence to text my friend.   Our generation is so ingrained into the digital world and its technology that we can't separate ourselves from it.

Image Credited to The Huffington Post

An average teen spends 73 minutes per day texting.  The number of texts that people in United States send per month has reached over 7 billion.  That's too much.  My friends and I often catch ourselves sitting together and texting.  My sister, who is ten, sometimes showers with her iPad sitting on a shelf so that she can watch her shows.  We cannot give our generations the excuse to completely alienate social interaction and real life in exchange for technology.

This post has now spanned a course of over two weeks to write.  This is what I'm talking about.  I have no physical or mental capability to write this post without tuning into countless distractions.  Currently I'm in class, and wow.  It's really hard to focus.  Sometimes I think I might have ADD... hmm...  Anyways! This post was about... distractions.  We are supposed to be writing our blog posts, but we have so far talked about T.V. Shows, fantasy characters, pandas, and what stereotypical characters we would be in a very crappy movie.  I think we all have written about three sentences. This is why we never get anything done in English class during free work time.  I'm not really sure if this makes any sense.  The people at the next table over are having a very interesting conversation... Ooo! Petronus quiz!  I may or may not be back...